When Fear Walks With a Friend ~ Jeremy G.
” When Fear Walks With A Friend “
I was up all night thinking. I was thinking about how cold my soul had become and it scared me. At that time my life revolved around my self and my own selfish goals, my fear was, that it had become part of my spiritual being. My thoughts consisted of worries about money, worries about finding someone to love me, and then worries about how to make myself acceptable to others. It’s no wonder my soul had become distant, and my mind could find no peace.
Did life only consist of the cares of this world that might last us up to 80 years or so? It couldn’t, there were too many unanswered questions and mysteries in this world to be explained by the mundane thoughts of daily life. There had to be more. No amount of money, comfort, or any person could answer any of the deep questions I had about life. The music that I wrote reflected my emptiness in the notes that I played and my friends brought a smile to my face that quickly faded as I got home to the quiet of night time. None of these were answering my questions about who we are and what our purpose is. Yet, this is where I spent my thoughts and my time.
My mind stayed in a world that required no reflection and no change in who I am, so it was the easiest place to be. The gateway in my heart whispered my name to come and visit a world that was beyond this one. A world beyond what we have, or who we know. A world that contained all of the deepest answers, and contained the contentment I did not understand.
The gateway leads to God. I didn’t want to face God because his light showed who I really was, and it was my fear. No one had enough courage to face the reality of their own depravity. If I had to face it alone I would fall into darkness.
So, scared as I was, I looked at the dusty book on my bookcase. With trembling hands I opened it and read some words of hope. I found that I had a friend who had walked were I have walked, who knew the pains of this world. He knew how hard it was for me to face myself, and my dark soul. As I read further, I found that my new friend was in the room with me. He put a hand on my shoulder and pointed to the Gateway to God. I trembled. He embraced me as a brother and told me quietly, “I will go in with you. I will speak on your behalf to my Father”. I was stunned when He said, “My Father understands more than you know, He does not condemn you my friend. He has sent me to carry you to him. He wants to heal you.”
We walked up to the Gateway and my friend grasped the door latch and opened it. I saw a great light in the distance and a great chasm in between us and the great light. I asked, “Who is that?” My friend replied, “That is my father.”
I couldn’t bear to look at the light. It penetrated my very soul with the light of truth. I asked, “How can I speak to your father? His holiness is too much for me!” My friend’s Father heard me and pointed to our side. There stood a cross – dark and full of death. I fell away crying and asked, “Do I have to die?” My friend answered, “Not anymore my friend.” Then before I could say anything, He climbed up on the cross and was consumed by death. The ground shook, and I fell to the ground. I lost consciousness. When I awoke, my friend was standing over me with peaceful smile and said,” Good morning my friend, this is the start of your new day.” He helped me up and said, “Now we talk to your Father.” I asked, “Where is my Father? I didn’t know he was here.” My friend replied, “No, my friend, I am talking about my Father, who is now your father.” I looked at amazement where the blinding light was and I was able to see a figure in the light. Now, there was no chasm between us.
My friend put his arm around me and we walked forward to find the peace of God.